(Check out part one of the interview, if you missed it!)
Q: How did you help your children thrive in a new place?
A: Every move was like a giant field trip. We read about the area prior to moving and once there explored everything we could. We packed lots of picnic lunches, enjoyed park days, sightseeing, hiking, and even windshield tours. Moving is enriching and broadens one’s horizons. It’s a great education!
It was always fun to meet the local families. When we lived on Okinawa, two Japanese ladies came twice a week and took our garbage cans from the side of our house to the street for pickup. Being warm most of the year, one of our daughters began taking cold water to them. As time went on, they began to bring candy to the kids. We followed with homemade cookies. This went on for the duration of our tour, and we became friends with them. Q: What is your best bit of advice for making friends when you move a lot? What about those who moved during the COVID restrictions--any tips for nurturing friendships that don't involve Zoom or Facetime, haha?!
A: Friendships aren’t automatic, they are built. It takes time and effort. Inviting other moms to get together for a play date, inviting families for dinner, getting together for coffee open the door. With Covid restrictions that is much more difficult. I have met some of our neighbors this past year while out walking. The more we pass each other, the more we talk and have even made plans to get together.
Q: Any funny stories about misunderstandings or cultural faux pas you can tell us about?
A: When we arrived in one new location, it was not at all what I was expecting. In fact, if I could have, I would have left immediately. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, and I was still not feeling it! Ten months after arriving, I was sharing my grief with someone who had moved to the area a few years before. They said to me, “If you’ll just loosen your heartstrings, you’ll fall in love with the people here.” So I did, and that’s exactly what happened! To this day, it’s our favorite location out of all the places we’ve lived.
Q: Final words on making a home in the faraway...
A: Moving to a new location can be hard, unsettling, lonely…for a time. But there’s so much to see and learn and do. It requires research. And time. And probably some expense. But the memories made last a lifetime!
After all these years, I am convinced it is the mother’s attitude that sets the tone for the family. Pray, be patient, embrace where you are, find joy in the little things. What it really comes down to is time spent together. And that’s what your children want.
We have lived, as a family of nine at the time, in a simple 1100 sf townhouse with concrete walls and floors, in substandard housing slated to be gutted as soon as we moved out, in a beautiful, large historic home overlooking a bay off the Puget Sound, and everything in between. It's not the dwelling or the furnishings that make a house a home, but the memories made there, the people who sit around the table, the simple pleasures, simple beauty, and time spent together no matter where you are.
Here's what I learned, it's very simple really:
1. You can't make everything right for your children. However, you can prepare them, comfort them, and be there for them.
2. Buy Starbucks cake pops. These can be used (along with an iPad) to coax a toddler off the floor who is melting down at the terminal gate over putting the mask back on. There are no promises this will work, but it's worth a try! What in life isn't made a bit better by chocolate, sprinkles, and your favorite show?
Without getting into the to-mask or not-to-mask discussion, can we all agree it's slightly bonkers to require a young toddler to wear a mask on an airplane, whether or not they have special needs or a note from a doctor?! I read the horror stories before we left about entire families being kicked off the plane because a two-year-old kept pulling his mask off. But here's the thing, we wanted to get to England. We weren't going to get to England without our toddler wearing a mask on that plane. An acquaintance mentioned surely there would be lawsuits in the future for parental rights.
My husband's response: "We don't have time for a lawsuit." Ha! Touché.
To add to the excitement we were experiencing, during our layover we thought we'd lost our passports and visas...you know, the magical pieces of paper we'd waited for over a year! My head felt light and things began to swirl a bit.
More advice:
Stay calm. Will yourself to breathe.
We eventually found the precious documents hidden in a dark crevice of the double stroller!
I desperately want the world to be fine for my children, but guess what? It's not. The world is not fine. But it does still hold so much value, beauty, and opportunity. All I can do is advocate in the ways possible for me and then take her hand (providing she's not already darted off) and guide her toward the good, training her to be ready for the bad, and looking for beauty-and chocolate- the whole way home.
Q: Hello, Ann! Tell us a little about who you are, what your perfect day would look like, and the major moves you've made.
A: Hi, I’m Ann Overturf! Tim & I have been married 44 years. A Navy chaplain for 30 years, Tim retired three years ago. After 22 moves, we are finally settling in and putting down serious roots! With eight children, four children-in-law, and eight grandchildren, I love that our family continues to grow.
The perfect day for me would begin by walking on the beach, a cup of hot coffee in hand, and it would continue at home enjoying a good book and dinner out.
During our first Navy tour, Tim was told we would remain on the East Coast for the duration of his career because our family of five was too large to move further. However, we have discovered God does what He wants, and we had the privilege of living on both coasts, in the Midwest, and overseas even as our family grew. We have lived various places in the Detroit area (college, seminary), Dallas,TX (continuing seminary); Chesapeake, VA; Jacksonville, FL; Okinawa, Japan; Chicago; Guam; San Diego; Bremerton, WA; coastal North Carolina, back to Guam, NC again, and now a suburb of Atlanta.
Q: Wow! That's amazing. So tell me, is the word “home” complicated for you--what does it mean to you?
A: Home is a lovely word! It’s that safe place where, when walking through the front door, you’re enveloped in love, acceptance, comfort, peace, joy, and fun.
Q: What are some practical ways you keep traditions alive and help you and your family stay connected to their roots?
A: As our children were growing up, we worked hard to create strong bonds between them. These days with kids living coast to coast, we have a family text thread which is a great place to stay in touch, share pictures, info, accomplishments, prayer needs, current events, and just have fun together. Sometimes I’ll throw out a random challenge or question, and the first one to answer correctly gets a $5 Starbucks gift card. It’s amazing how that simple gift card, or more likely the competitive nature of our kids, creates a flurry of responses!
As we moved around, it was often the little things that became traditions. Like the year we moved to Guam right before Christmas. We found ourselves in a hotel-type setting with a very small kitchen. It lacked what was needed to make a full Christmas dinner. I happened to stumble across a recipe I had tossed in my purse before we moved, something a friend had prepared for us during that busy time. It had been a hit with all of us, so that became our Christmas dinner. Because it called for red and green bell peppers, it looked Christmasy and turned what at first seemed like a major disappointment into a fun memory. The following year I was shocked when our kids requested the same dish over ham or turkey for Christmas dinner, and the year after, and for many years to come. It became a tradition!
As the Navy moved us from place to place, we bought an art print and a piece of furniture everywhere we lived. Our children can’t come home to the house where they spent their childhood, but there have always been pictures on the walls to remind them of all the wonderful places we lived and called home for a time.
While Tim was in Iraq for 13 months, I started writing a family cookbook. It took longer than expected, but eventually that became a Christmas gift for each of the kids. Almost every recipe describes a memory about that particular dish, and the cookbook reads a bit like a family history book.
Q: I love that idea! What do you think is an important character trait or skill for living in new places/a different culture?
A: Flexibility, patience, and a sense of adventure. Without it, you can miss out on so much.
Q: What would you say to those who feel out of place in a new area—what encouragement would you give them?
A: Be patient. Friendships are built over time. As we moved around, I learned it takes a year to year and a half for a place to feel like home. I also learned I don’t need a large group of friends, though I enjoy that. All I really need is one friend, a kindred spirit, and Tim always made it a practice to pray for that one friend every time we moved.
Ask the locals lots of questions, what they do for fun, what are their favorite restaurants. Learning about the local traditions and customs provides a better understanding of those you live around. Reach out to your neighbors if they don’t reach out to you. Knock on their door with a gift of your favorite cookies and visit for a few minutes. You’ll be surprised at the doors that open!
---Continued in a few weeks!
