- May 22, 2021
Moving is an adrenaline-rushing, heart-pumping race against deadlines usually set by someone else. There’s (hopefully) some excitement about the new location, followed by a seemingly endless list of logistics, all the goodbyes, and then the actual move.
I’ve moved across oceans multiple times, and I’ve moved to a nearby town multiple times. In every move, there is a honeymoon phase. It’s like, “Oh wow, this is new! Everyone stay pumped! Eyebrows up, smiles on, and pom-poms in hand! Clean the bathrooms, update the address, explain to the little one there is no (insert a favorite thing) here.
Everything is an adventure. Everything feels new. Your senses are in overdrive from experiencing all the newness.
Inevitably, as with all honeymoons, it doesn't last forever—it’s not supposed to last forever. When the let-down sets in, when the new location is more of a reminder of what and whom you miss than an exciting diversion, that's when the beauty of settling in begins. When you move a lot or make a big move, seasons of your life stand out to you quite a bit. You mark time based on what house, what location, which church. When you say hello to something new, you're saying goodbye to the old. There may be a bit of mourning, and that's okay. If this happens, try one of the following:
Get Outside—whether it’s a walk around your neighborhood, exploring a new-to-you park, or sitting in your backyard, being outside helps. If you have the energy, try a light jog or an exercise that gets you a little bit sweaty. It's good for your body and your mind!
Watch a relaxing show—maybe put some limits on your consumption--not that I’m speaking from experience here --ahem, I am. I’ve enjoyed happy shows like The Middle, The Waltons, Gilmore Girls, and Downton Abbey. There is something about shows that center on family and place that has been helpful to me.
Take a hot bath. Use magnesium/Epsom salt and light a lavender candle. Let yourself sit with your feelings or read an encouraging magazine like The Magnolia Journal—I also like Red for fun, British fashion. And since your body is detoxing, drink that water. ;)
Call or email someone who has made a similar move and would empathize with your fatigue and sadness.
Find a place you love and keep going there--even while exploring and venturing to new areas/establishments. It's so fun and steadying to have a place that's "your place."
Read a book that touches your soul. For me this meant reading a few easy-reading books along with the Bible. When we first moved here, I read a book around Christmas time that was the equivalent to a Hallmark movie, and that's what I needed! Now that we're more established, I can dig deeper into stout literature. *So many* things are challenging when you move, so being particular with what you read/consume on media is important. If I could go back, I wouldn't read the crazy news so obsessively.
Be gentle with yourself and your family. Moving is *hard* but you're making memories and having experiences that are unique and worth the effort.
I’d love to hear what has been helpful to you when coming out of the honeymoon phase of moving! Comment below and tell me about it. <3
*Photo credit: Paige Overturf Photography
**I am not a doctor--all advice is simply what has helped me and is not meant to take the place of a medical professional
(Check out part one of the interview, if you missed it!)
Q: How did you help your children thrive in a new place?
A: Every move was like a giant field trip. We read about the area prior to moving and once there explored everything we could. We packed lots of picnic lunches, enjoyed park days, sightseeing, hiking, and even windshield tours. Moving is enriching and broadens one’s horizons. It’s a great education!
It was always fun to meet the local families. When we lived on Okinawa, two Japanese ladies came twice a week and took our garbage cans from the side of our house to the street for pickup. Being warm most of the year, one of our daughters began taking cold water to them. As time went on, they began to bring candy to the kids. We followed with homemade cookies. This went on for the duration of our tour, and we became friends with them. Q: What is your best bit of advice for making friends when you move a lot? What about those who moved during the COVID restrictions--any tips for nurturing friendships that don't involve Zoom or Facetime, haha?!
A: Friendships aren’t automatic, they are built. It takes time and effort. Inviting other moms to get together for a play date, inviting families for dinner, getting together for coffee open the door. With Covid restrictions that is much more difficult. I have met some of our neighbors this past year while out walking. The more we pass each other, the more we talk and have even made plans to get together.
Q: Any funny stories about misunderstandings or cultural faux pas you can tell us about?
A: When we arrived in one new location, it was not at all what I was expecting. In fact, if I could have, I would have left immediately. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, and I was still not feeling it! Ten months after arriving, I was sharing my grief with someone who had moved to the area a few years before. They said to me, “If you’ll just loosen your heartstrings, you’ll fall in love with the people here.” So I did, and that’s exactly what happened! To this day, it’s our favorite location out of all the places we’ve lived.
Q: Final words on making a home in the faraway...
A: Moving to a new location can be hard, unsettling, lonely…for a time. But there’s so much to see and learn and do. It requires research. And time. And probably some expense. But the memories made last a lifetime!
After all these years, I am convinced it is the mother’s attitude that sets the tone for the family. Pray, be patient, embrace where you are, find joy in the little things. What it really comes down to is time spent together. And that’s what your children want.
We have lived, as a family of nine at the time, in a simple 1100 sf townhouse with concrete walls and floors, in substandard housing slated to be gutted as soon as we moved out, in a beautiful, large historic home overlooking a bay off the Puget Sound, and everything in between. It's not the dwelling or the furnishings that make a house a home, but the memories made there, the people who sit around the table, the simple pleasures, simple beauty, and time spent together no matter where you are.
Here's what I learned, it's very simple really:
1. You can't make everything right for your children. However, you can prepare them, comfort them, and be there for them.
2. Buy Starbucks cake pops. These can be used (along with an iPad) to coax a toddler off the floor who is melting down at the terminal gate over putting the mask back on. There are no promises this will work, but it's worth a try! What in life isn't made a bit better by chocolate, sprinkles, and your favorite show?
Without getting into the to-mask or not-to-mask discussion, can we all agree it's slightly bonkers to require a young toddler to wear a mask on an airplane, whether or not they have special needs or a note from a doctor?! I read the horror stories before we left about entire families being kicked off the plane because a two-year-old kept pulling his mask off. But here's the thing, we wanted to get to England. We weren't going to get to England without our toddler wearing a mask on that plane. An acquaintance mentioned surely there would be lawsuits in the future for parental rights.
My husband's response: "We don't have time for a lawsuit." Ha! Touché.
To add to the excitement we were experiencing, during our layover we thought we'd lost our passports and visas...you know, the magical pieces of paper we'd waited for over a year! My head felt light and things began to swirl a bit.
More advice:
Stay calm. Will yourself to breathe.
We eventually found the precious documents hidden in a dark crevice of the double stroller!
I desperately want the world to be fine for my children, but guess what? It's not. The world is not fine. But it does still hold so much value, beauty, and opportunity. All I can do is advocate in the ways possible for me and then take her hand (providing she's not already darted off) and guide her toward the good, training her to be ready for the bad, and looking for beauty-and chocolate- the whole way home.
