
About once a week my children get ahold of my planner and scribble all over the open pages. At first I roll my eyes and then I think, “Seems about right.” So many of us are facing tough decisions and seeing our plans, both short-term and long-term, come into question.
I’ve been thinking of that quote in You’ve Got Mail, when Kathleen Kelly says, “People are always telling you that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all...has happened.”
Maybe it’s illness, feeling separated from loved ones, or trying to meet the needs of a neurodivergent child. It might be a medical procedure, job loss, or the temporary putting off of a dream. During this time in the world, we all have something in our lives we didn't expect.
Newness and a change of plans can be jarring. I like things to feel safe, but I'm trying to look for beauty even when I feel rattled and worn to the bones. Focusing on the positives isn't for a false sense of security, but rather a true sense of empowerment and an honoring of the life I am actually living.
Wendell Berry said, “We live the given life, and not the planned.” It knocked the wind out of me, the first time I read that quote. Don’t get me wrong, grief must be allowed a place--there is goodness there, too. But at some point, owning the life you were given allows you to see all the possibilities rather than all the hardships and what you don’t have that you thought you’d have.
I’m not a Friends fanatic, but most of us have seen the “PIVOT!” scene, have we not? I feel that scene deeply! Throughout the last year and a half personally, professionally, and as a family, it has been one pivot after another. Feeling dizzy over here. How about you?
There seem to be two camps when it comes to processing all the hard things in the world. One focuses on your sad feelings and honoring them. The other is full of platitudes and quips with confetti emojis to pump you up. Both have their place, but mostly I’m trying to genuinely lean into the life I was given and just be present for it. Joy gets tangled up in grief, and I don't always have to unknot them.
Vulnerability with a chosen few can help. Finding a tangible way to give to those hurting can help (both you and the receiver). Creating something with your hands can help—get out of your head a bit and enjoy whatever it is you like to make.
Sometimes the situations we face will simply reek in the worst way. There’s no sugar-coating, but there is a way to still enjoy our lives and all the sweetness they hold. May the challenges make us strong and skilled for our tasks, gentle to those around us, knowing we were never meant to do this on our own, anyway.
I plan on watching You’ve Got Mail soon. It has such a happy ending, and I could go for that right about now. It’s not escapism, it’s inspiration, haha! All the very best, friends.
P.S. If you have a moving story to share, I'm looking for some more interviewees. Fill in the box found on the homepage or message me on Instagram.

When you move from your homeland, it becomes increasingly important to feel connected to your heritage. I grew up with stories about my ancestors, spending family gatherings in the house my great grandfather built, looking at black and white photos, reading my mom's yearbook (so fun, haha!). My great grandmother Audrey (whom I was named after) kept absolutely everything in her basement after the Depression. Okay, I exaggerate, but there was a lot of old stuff. It smelled of musty books and walk-in cellars lined with canned vegetables. If you know you know.
My cousins and I would play dress up and pretend to cook with the kitchen tools, some nearly a century old. In my childhood home we would use one of Mamaw Audrey's old grinders to chop up the peanuts for our ice cream sundaes. The handle was made out of metal and wood, not plastic. I liked that.
Fast forward nearly two decades, and I bid farewell to Eric's paternal grandmother--what a matriarch she was, firm yet kind--mother to nine children and a mess of grandchildren and great grandchildren. When she passed I was given two light blue pot holders she crocheted, and they went perfectly with the two handwritten baking recipes she sent me for my bridal shower.
A family member grimaced at the idea of me using the pot holders--almost like it was disrespectful. And I understand that everyone is different when it comes to sentimental items. But for me, touching and using something makes me feel closer to the person I miss, closer to the past that I wish to be a part of my present. No, she wasn't my biological grandmother, but she is a part of me and a part of my husband and children's ancestry. Using the pot holders reminds me how our story is connected to hers, a daughter of Czechoslovakian immigrants and a brave woman of WWII.
Sometimes it's lonely when your family and even your sense of self feels far away. I know the minimalist philosophy has merit, but I love having a few knickknacks and just-because items to glance at and remember the stories behind them. One day I hope to have a wall of old photos so I can talk with my children about their ancestors. I want them to know their faces, names, and a few stories. For now, after a rather stressful morning, I make chocolate chip sour cream cake with a vintage Pyrex bowl and--you guessed it--Grandma Masur's pot holders.
Things are just things until they remind us of something more. And then they are still merely things, but they have the power to remind us of reality far beyond the last five minutes of what we read scrolling Instagram. These special items can be a small, steadying force in a world constantly changing. Knowing a bit of history is important when we examine local and world events that are playing out right in front of us. Should we be quiet? Should we speak up? Should we reach out?
Whether you have precious heirlooms on display or items you use on a daily basis, I hope you can feel connected to positive reminders of your family history. If this topic is painful for you, perhaps research your family's history--there's bound to be something interesting or inspiring. Or maybe visit the local antique shop where you're from and purchase something that reminds you of your original home. Growing up in rural Indiana, kitchen and farm tools are some of my favorites. I also had some wonderful elderly friends as a child--they were sweet pseudo grandparents. If you really struggle to celebrate your family, perhaps there is someone special in your life whose heritage you can honor in your home.

Q: Hello, Kiana! Can you give us a little introduction of who you are and what kinds of moves you've made over the last several years?
A: My name is Kiana Holley! I have been married to my husband, Paul, for almost 9 years. We have an almost 3-year-old daughter, Olivia, and another little girl due this summer! I was born in Honolulu , Hawaii, and lived there for about 10 years. I also called Mississippi home for 5 years, Southern California was home for 2 years, Georgia was home for 8 years, and Texas was home for 3.5 years and is now home again for us! My husband was just selected to be a Chick-fil-A Operator in Laredo, Texas and we are so excited to settle down and plant roots in our new community!
I love being able to have experiences with my family. A perfect day for me would include an experience or activity to do with my family. We enjoy going to the beach, going on a hike, trying a new restaurant or seeing new sites!
Q: What was it like moving from Hawaii to California as a teenager?
A: When I was 14 my family moved from Hawaii to Southern California. It was a shock at first. Hawaii was my home and where my family and friends lived - it was familiar and safe.
My aunt told me that if I wanted to come back to Hawaii for college that I’d have a place to stay with her! I didn’t see this as a hinderance or something to keep me focused on moving backwards. It was a reminder that even when we take big risks it helps when you know you have support to fall back on if and when you need it! After a few weeks of getting used to the idea of moving, I realized this move could be an adventure!
When we got to California there were some adjustments. The pace of life was faster and there were bigger buildings, more people, and so much traffic! I was homeschooled with two of my siblings when we moved to California, which made having to get used to a new school a non-issue. But being homeschooled made making new friends and finding a community difficult.
We were incredibly blessed to find that our new church had several homeschooled families with kids near our age. During the two years that we lived in California, we developed strong friendships and a tight knit community. It’s so easy to be overwhelmed with finding something familiar in a new space. I try looking for the things I have in common with those around me and use that as a starting point to develop friendships.
Q: Tell us about your (many!) moves with Chick-fil-A:
A: Paul and I have moved 21 times over the past 6 years. Ten days after Paul and I got married we moved to Laredo, Texas, for an opportunity to pursue a career with Chick-fil-A. Three and half years later, Paul was accepted into the Chick-fil-A Leadership Development Program, which is a two year, full-time traveling commitment.
He went all over the country to assist operators with the opening of their restaurant. He also operated corporate owned restaurants while new operators were being selected. Our assignments usually lasted 6-8 weeks in lengths with the shortest one being 10 days and our longest one being 9 months. When we finished with that job (three years later) we moved back to Georgia to be closer to family. And then we moved to Corpus Christi, Texas this year, and in a few months we will move to Laredo, Texas.
We had our daughter 22 months into our 36 months of traveling! She lived in a hotel for the first year of her life and flew on an airplane 15 times in the first year as well. She doesn’t remember any of it but it’s fun to look back at pictures and see all the experiences she has had with us.
Q: After all of the moves you made with Chick-fil-A, what did you learn about friendships and kindness to those around you? It had to be challenging at times to continually meet new people and then say goodbye. Could you tell us more about that?
A: As we traveled to each assignment, we were usually paired with 1-2 other people with the same role as Paul. Paul’s colleagues were either single, married, or married with children. Each assignment provided a different combination of people with different experiences, interests, and needs. At first I found it hard to decide where I should look for connection and community. I felt overwhelmed looking for volunteer opportunities at schools, churches, community projects, etc. I think I was trying to find the opportunity with the biggest impact, the most meaning or what I thought would be the most valuable.
Then I realized that God was providing a unique circle for me to engage with and connect with. My circle was a small group of people we traveled with and worked alongside at each assignment. These were the people we saw each morning at breakfast before our spouses left for work. The ones we sat next to in the hotel laundry room as we waited for our laundry to finish. Because of our close proximity and the uniqueness of our lives, I found my community in these wonderful people. We would have “breakfast club” in the mornings and eat together. My husband and I would host “family dinners” in our hotel room and invite everyone to join us. Or weekly game nights to play card or board games together. There were times that we even took road trips with other families!
Q: Sometimes it feels like the older we get the harder it can be to make new friends in a meaningful way. What tips do you have for those who have a hard time connecting with new people?
A: It is so hard to put yourself out there and share your life with strangers. It’s even harder when you have to keep doing it over and over again! As we get older, we have more experiences, both good and bad. Sometimes those experiences can keep us from stepping out and putting ourselves into uncomfortable and unfamiliar spaces. My advice is to start in the circle closest to you. Maybe it’s the gal working across the hall from you, your next door neighbor, or the lady you stand next to in your exercise class. Ask questions that require a deeper answer than “yes” or “no." It also helps to know what is important to you and what you enjoy doing. If cooking is what fulfills you, find a class or schedule time to cook with a friend. If exploring new areas interests you, plan a hiking trip with friends. When you have common interests or are pursing the same goals, doing them alongside someone who is likeminded helps!
Remember, things can be challenging. Use every resource you can. Find Facebook groups and if you can’t find one, start one! Connect with old friends through email and zoom. Look for opportunities in your church, your kid’s school and local government. And most importantly, don’t give up!