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Seven Tips for Community Membership

Writer's picture: Audrey Ann MasurAudrey Ann Masur

Updated: Nov 29, 2022





Living in a world of ancient church buildings, pubs, and winding village streets makes the perfect backdrop for considering community membership, you would think. But without real effort and an open heart, the place you live, wherever that happens to be, can continue to feel just like that, a backdrop. Welcome to part two on building community, and check out part one if you haven't read it yet.


From your transient friend who's called three states, one territory island, and two countries 'home' here are my tips for earning and enriching your membership in a physical proximity community:


1. Initiate. Be specific in your invitation. “Would you like to meet for coffee next week? Maybe Thursday or Friday?” I have a loose rule of initiating twice and moving on if the person is not interested. (This can be more emotional and nerve-wracking than I'm making it sound!)


2. Pick a coffee shop/library/other venue, and continue to visit. While I'm all about exploring and trying new places, what a joy to have your spot and to be greeted as a regular. It’s fun and important to be known.


3. Keep margin in your schedule for spontaneous community building. Sometimes planned extracurriculars build community to a certain degree, but my deepest friendships in a new place have come from keeping time in the day for chats, playdates, dinner, delivering a meal, having a quick tea at the kitchen table, babysitting, or taking a walk. Save time (as in keep it) like you save money. You don't always know when you'll need your saved up time, but when you do, it's a reminder that sometimes the simple things really are the ones that enrich your life the most. "Happy to help!" is a powerful sentence, and it's challenging to say when you don't have margin in your life.


4. For Christmas or other occasions, make treats that are local to your roots and share a bit of yourself and your culture that way. When I was a teacher on Guam, I received traditional treats from Japan, Korea, the Philippines, and Guam—so fun and so personal. This year it was sweet to hand out Snickerdoodles, an American classic, to neighbors and our daughter's school staff. They were a hit!


5. Invest primarily in your family. Help them see that no matter where you live, it's home if you're together. And if you’re single, invest in solo memories that enrich who you are, that way you can afford to be patient as community becomes a reality. See the sights, visit the cafés, and take deep breaths. Eat good food and cry a few tears. Let’s be honest, the first several months in a new place can feel excruciating. Work to make your house/apartment cozy and inviting, allowing yourself the space to relax and unwind.


6. Commit to a local church or group of some sort. This doesn’t mean you have to do everything, but you can do something. Maybe for you it's a charity, school, or activist group. Serving alongside others, while doing something you believe in, helps build community authentically and is truly one of the most powerful ways to be a legitimate member.


7. Rest in who you are and remind yourself that even in assimilation, it’s okay to be you. Even while you volunteer and serve, your intrinsic value is far beyond what you can do for any group of people. Your conglomerate culture is unique and it matters. Collapse on your couch and watch your favorite show, read a book, or make a snack that reminds you of your roots or feels most like home. Look at old photos and touch base with the people from other places who really know you. Take a break from asserting who you are and proving your trustworthiness. It can be exhausting, I know.


Remember it takes time to build community, and it's challenging because you may not have much of it. But even though the inevitable goodbyes tear at your heart, caring for your community, and in turn being cared for, makes your heart all the more whole, even with the tears. I have found community to be so worth it, and I believe the same for you!


What would you add for practical steps to building community?


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I’m Audrey Ann—a writer who treasures the gift of travel, and I’m a mama who endeavors to love where I live one playdate, grocery trip, and sunset at a time. An island girl with heartland roots, I currently live in the Cotswolds of the United Kingdom. 

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